#10 - Creating Identity

Hey, you're listening to soul seek with me Akshaya in this space you have permission to dream to dream, to learn to grow, and to break free. Welcome home my love's. 

Hey, and welcome back to soul seek with me Akshaya. I have a little bit of a disclaimer today before we begin. I have struggled the last week to put out an episode. So I ended up for the first time skipping a week. I had a husband at home with COVID. Before that he was away on a work trip for a week. So I've been full time momming, full time dog momming, driving the kids back and forth to summer camps. And all of it has just left me exhausted at the end of the day and not just exhausted. Like I knew somewhere in my mind, I was judging myself for not getting the next podcast episode recorded. And that judgment created so much lack in me, and that lack drained so much of my energy. So yes, yesterday, I decided that, hey, I'm just going to take a break this week, because guess what, it's summertime. We deserve to have a shift in our you know, schedule and the summer that kids are home. The routine has changed. So why are my expectations still running as if I'm in normal school mode, right? So I decided to let go of those expectations. I decided not to put out a new episode, which would have been this week. And as soon as I did that, I felt so much energy and so much space within myself to finally sit down and record next week's episode. So here I am a little backstory for you before we delve into today's topic. And you might see a correlation here a little bit. 

So our topic today is around creating identity. Right? We wear many hats throughout the day. Whether we're a daughter, a brother, a wife, a husband, a parent, a teacher, a coach, a business owner, a stay at home, mom, a career, you know, woman, or man. Depending on which hat we're wearing, at a given moment, we show up as a slightly different version of ourselves. And let me give you an example. Right, a clear example is if you think about your work life versus your home, life, right? How do you show up? Who is the self that shows up at work? And who is the self that shows up at home? Especially if you work in you know, in, in a corporate environment, or in an environment where you're expected to behave a certain way, right? Where your individuality is not valued. Right? So suppose you're a director or a manager, someone with a certain level of responsibility, you may have to keep parts of yourself covered up, because it doesn't necessarily fit the role that you play at work, right? It doesn't fit the director tag, or the manager tag, or the doctor tag, or the lawyer tag. We somehow convince ourselves that we have to cover up parts of our personality in order to show up as the role we decided to do for work.

Let me give you another example, say your career coach. But you've also recently discovered that you have this gift as a spiritual medium, and you speak to the other side, you receive messages from the other side. Now, you may not feel comfortable showing this spiritual side of yourself to your career coaching clients, because they come to you with a very specific purpose, right? Help me uplevel my career, find a new career. Right? And you think that by showing or talking about the side of yourself that connects to the spiritual world, to the other side, might weird your clients out, they might not want to come to you. But the other option is there's a way that your spiritual connection will help you get you know, help you almost guide your clients in finding their pets their answers. Right. 

So you're a stay at home mom. And you've decided, Okay, I'm gonna go out for a girls night. You know, we all, all of us stay at home moms, like I used to be one for many years, you need that time with your friends, away from the house, away from the laundry, away from the children away, from your partners. Right? But what do you do when you're out with your girlfriends? You end up talking about your kids. Right? Oh my God. Let me tell you about what little Jimmy did today. Right? Oh my god, he lost his first tooth. Thinking about your kids first, because your attachment to your identity as a mother, as a stay at home mom is so strong. That the moment you stop thinking about your children and you shift the attention to yourself, you feel guilty. Right? How many times have we heard that? A good mom puts her children first. And the moment we put ourselves first we feel guilty. We call ourselves Bad Moms because we worry that society will see us as a bad mom. But who the fuck ever said that good moms think about their kids 24/7. It's simply a thought that society put out there, the patriarchy put out there, so they could control where women spent their energy. If a woman spent all her energy on her children, then the chances of her rising up and pushing out a man in power are much slimmer. Right? 

So the thought that if I focus on myself, if I go home today without even thinking about my kids, and I must be a bad mom that thought is a thought you choose to believe the same way you choose to believe it, you can choose to let it go. It's just a thought you picked to help you define your experience of motherhood. And the same goes for fatherhood. Right there are certain thoughts that you operate from where you think that this is what it means to be a good parent. Speaking for myself, I think I'm a great mom. I cook delicious meals. I take my kids out for ice cream, they have playdates. And I absolutely love when they're at school because I don't have to think about what they're doing, what they're eating, are they cared for? I literally don't have to worry about it, for the most part. But does that make me a bad mom? Does not thinking about my kids while they're at school make me a bad mom? Right? Does choosing to focus on myself my needs my career, make me a bad mom? Absolutely not. Because I do not subscribe to the idea, the definition of a good Mom. 

A good mom is not a martyr, a good mom does not self sacrifice. This is my definition, a good mom puts herself first. And that is what I have chosen to believe for myself. That is what allows me to show up to record this podcast while my kids are upstairs running around, you might hear them at some point in the background. But that's okay. Because I still choose to show up for my business. And then, when I get a break in the day, when I take a break in the day, I might take them out for ice cream, I might feed them a delicious homemade meal, I might give them a bowl of fruit. Right. That's how I choose to experience motherhood and my children. 

So as long as I'm showing up as my highest self, whether I'm being a wife, whether parenting, whether I'm coaching, whether I'm cooking, whether I'm hanging out with friends, showing up as my highest self is my only priority in all of my roles. And showing up as your highest self requires letting go letting go of every identity you ever subscribed to, so you can discover your most authentic self. There are ways that we become attached to these different identities - I'm a mom, I'm a daughter, I'm a sister, I'm a mother, I'm already said that, I'm a friend. Or I'm a good daughter, I'm a bad daughter, I'm the black sheep, I'm, you know, a rebellious child, I disappoint my parents, I make my parents happy. Whatever that thought is, that that identity is that you're subscribing to, can hold you back from discovering your most authentic self. So the work is and releasing your identity. And I know I titled this episode creating your identity. But it's more about releasing your identity. Who are you? If you're not a parent, a spouse, a business owner? Right? Who are you then? 

Let me give you an example. Okay, so imagine having a conversation with your parent, you're the daughter, they are your parent and you have a certain relationship with them. You have a certain identity that you operate from, right. Depending on the identity you operate from, you may react well to some things they say, you may get triggered by other things. You have this routine, you know, you fall just as easily into your role in that conversation as they do. And it's very predictable. Now what if you let go of who you think you are as a daughter or son, let go of what you think it means to be a good child, a rebellious child or however you identify as a child to that parent. What if you connected with your truest highest self unattached to where the conversation is going to go? Unattached to pleasing your parent, unattached to being a responsible child. Right? How would you have a conversation with your parent? If you were curious about who they were within, who they were as their most authentic selves? And what if you were to speak to them soul to soul? How would that conversation go? Imagine that for just a moment.

And when you get a chance, imagine this in your role at work. Imagine a conversation at work as your highest self. Imagine a conversation with your kids as your highest self. Imagine a conversation at a party as your highest self. How will you show up? How will you let go of who you think you are, who you think you're supposed to be in all of these different scenarios and just show up as your highest self so you don't shift in and out of roles? 

Letting go of your identities, allows you to access a part of yourself that is curious, who wants to learn, and who has an enormous capacity for self love and acceptance. And I know just by imagining this version of yourself, you can almost feel your highest self now. Your highest self exists to guide you towards your greatest purpose. If only you're willing to surrender and release the identities you operate with. So here we go, my love. What will you discover when you release identities you operate from? Who is this beautiful, most authentic, highest version of yourself? Tell me all about your higher self in the comments. Feel free to message me on Instagram, or shoot me an email on my website. Have a beautiful day my loves.
 
If you're looking for one on one support in finding your vision and your purpose, if you're ready to discover how generational and societal messaging gets in your way, and if you want to learn how to prioritize your needs, your goals and your dreams, so you can live a purposeful life that you love. Then my one on one coaching is for you. Sign up for a discovery call at akshayachinapa.com or just find the link below at the end of the episode. Have a beautiful day my loves. You deserve to live a life you love.